Maybe I should have been a musician..

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I mean.. ignoring the fact Im musically illiterate and can't sing worth a shit.

But if this site means anything (meh it looks kinda convincing...) then I should re-direct my future towards the music business.

Born on the same day as Bruce Springsteen, Ray Charles and John Coltrane. Not to mention the famous "eye of the tiger" was the #1 song when I was born.

Hmm.. either a musician or a blind boxer training on the streets of Philadelphia. :)

-Brad

My 2 cents

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Actually this story is about my thirty five cents.

So I walk into the local Husky down the street and head for the 2 for $3 deal on powerade/gatorade. As I approach the counter the manager, seeing that I had the two for $3 says to me its $3.35 (due to tax). The cashier (different person) starts to enter in the purchase and I reach into my pocket and pull out 2 twoonies and a loonie. Seeings as how I didnt want to break a twoonie I take one of the twoonies off the counter (leaving $3), then proceed to remove a quarter and dime from the 'take a penny, leave a penny' dish.

The manager looks and says, "hey you can't do that!"

I totally thought he was joking and responded, "haha, ya."

He became even more disgruntled and repeated.. "no you cant do that, how many pennies do you want?"

Look buddy, I just played two games of baseball. Im tired, hot, misquito bitten and thirsty get out of my face.

I responded, "buddy, thats not your tip jar. Someone left the dime and quarter in there for someone else. If you didnt want a customer to use it, then you should have taken it out before I got to it."

He then agreed with me that the $0.35 was not in fact 'his' but he argued it wasn't mine either.... which makes no sense.

None the less, I got my powerades (after breaking my god damn twoonie) and proceeded to argue to the point of me, "yelling fine Im never coming back!"

His response, "your banned from the store!" Haha, oh god. I think Im one of the top 10 customers at that gas station and he just lost me for $0.35. But I dont think he cares.

None the less what is or should be the rules for the penny dish?! Has this happened to you before?

-Brad

Link it or not, just click the damn thing....

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Riiight so it boggles the mind every time I chat with someone who has read my blog when they say, "ya I read that, but I didnt click the links"

What do you think the point of my linking shit to the page is for? Shits and giggles? Listen people, I dont randomly link stuff to the posts. They usually do have some relevance to what is being written. More often then not they are usually pretty funny too (especially the dilbert links Jill).

ANYwho, I hope that you will take the time (1 millisecond) to click the link below. Then just watch a few 2mins segments.. I think this guys hilarious, you might.. you might not.

Ask a Ninja! Haha Soooo rediculous.

Oh ya and does anyone remember when I said Tom Hanks sucks and he's going to ruin Da Vinci code... well... I hear that hes pretty bad. Critics describe his acting as "wooden" ... guess he took his "Toy Story" role too far. :)) Get it?

Pft.. whatever. It was funny to me.

-Brad

Working from a Cube Now

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Ugh. My office recently moved locations to a new location. Its furthur from my house now (sweet deal with gas prices being sooo affordable, :P), and is built in 'cubicle' style. So now, I no longer share an office, but own a space of my own - I call it cubey.

I thought I would dislike this change, from what would seem to be a higher level (office), to a lower level (cubey), but I actually quite enjoy it. I feel more empowered to fully personalize it. I just need to add some final touches... Like this.... and this and then ofcourse these.

Aww wouldn't it be nice... I can always dream can't I? For now I will have to stick to more conventional add-ons.

-Brad

Around the World

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I just heard someone use the phrase "your German is showing.." implying that the recipient of the comment was being harsh, or strict.

I wonder if anyone ever says "your Canadian is showing.." and what would that necessarily imply?

What about other countries? What would "your australian, cuban, or chinese is showing" mean?

-Brad

Overreaction...

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Seriously, come on now its just a Grenade.

Reminds me of a joke. How did the blonde break her leg while raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree! hahaha

Oh..come on. Its gold.

-Brad

It doesn't have to make sense... Im Beautiful!

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Aww Family guy... what would life be without you?

Well lets see whats new?

The Red Mile is saved. I was down there on game one and witnessed first hand the taking back of the street. I must say I thank the cops for their behaviour and 'lack of military rule.' I also applaud Calgarians for their good behaviour. Though... I doubt it will last. Can you imagine what happens if Calgary plays Edomonton? Oh man.

For $100 I now have the opportunity to make a fool of myself playing softball. I can't remember the last time I put on a baseball glove, or even threw a ball. Hell when was the last time I threw anything? I believe if Im not mistaken it was when my brother asked me to pass him his daughter..... None the less this will be quite the gong show.

-Brad

PS - The real reason for the title of this post is due to this. I can't say that Im too impressed with the 'beauty academy' overlooking this hot piece of a$$. But you know.. its probably because I haven't adopted 900 African babies.

Hungry Hungry Hippo

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For all of you non-believers out there, heres the proof.

This snake eats a HIPPO whole

Click the link then scroll down to the bottom of the page. Sure it may be a "small hippo" but its still a freaking hippo!

Meh, I thought it was impressive.

-Brad

Poke'er

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No wonder I can never beat a girl in poker. Its my damn high testosterone!
Too much skin makes a guy lose his edge - or so they say.

Other then that I apologize once again for the lack of material...for over a month. Thats realy quite embarrasing, and I shall try to keep this more up-to-date. There have been quite a few 'gold' stories over the last while... I shall try to remember, and then recount those events.

The Wolves after having an amazing season going 13-4-3... lost first round in the playoffs. We are not having our team play in the summer league... so now I have to wait until the fall to continue my ball hockey career.

As everyone knows the Calgary Flames begin their cup run tonight vs Anaheim. It is going to be an intense series... hell the whole playoffs it going to be nuts. I will throw up my 2 cents on the upcoming series in a future post... maybe after game 1 ;)
As for the whole 17th fangdangel ...dont get me started. Thats a rant a mile long. But I can't say that I am surprised. Calgary will always have that ultra conserva-town mentality. Sigh.

Til next time

-Brad

Aye, Where me pot o' Gold?

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Yaya, thats right its St.Patricks day so what? You wanna fight about it?

Going out to celebrate tonight, should be fun. I hope everyone enjoys their day of green beer and if you dont drink beer then choose tea and have...um ...oh..green tea... I guess that doesn't work. But you get the point.

Anyone stuck with their chemistry homework recently? My old old professor back from highschool once told us he was doing a sort of teaching dvd. Anywho one of my friends (yip yip yip yip yip) just reforwarded the link to me and I had a laugh reminiscing over the fun times in his class. Chemguy (aka Mr. Lederer) was pretty entertaining. Now Im not saying go and buy the dvd...just click the link and at least watch the previews, pretty funny stuff. Go Chemguy makes Chemistry... fun?!

As well...bored? Then check out this fun little game. Play it with the music and its even better.. Slightly addictive. My brother says he got up to 199 balls touched... pft I dont believe him. Now remember to read the instructions... I thought I was winning when in fact I hadnt scored one point, haha.
mmmmm Ball toucher... mmm

Some of you will like that game more then others, :P

-Brad

5 Fingered Simpsons

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Real actors playing out the simpsons title screen. I was a little doubtful with how well this was going to look. But wow, they recreated it perfectly. Well done.

Simpsons!

If it wasn't obvious...click the link above to see what Im talking about.

-Brad

EBAY Orgasm

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They call it an auctioneers paradise. A buyer AND a sellers market. You can find anything, usually for a lower price too. But what they don't tell you, is that EBAY gives you more then you bid for, its gives you quite the rush.

Recently I lost my EBAY virginity. As recently as I just won my first bid last night. And much like losing the real thing, the whole event - through the foreplay, the buildup, the climax and the pillowtalk - was quite the adventure. It was fast, slow, confusing, surprising... and unexpected. Something I had never experienced before.

10 days ago I was approached by quite the hot little number, A Calgary Flames Poker Set. It was at that time that I knew she would be mine, oh yes, she would.... be mine. The courting lasted several days, we had our ups and downs, other men would enter into her life but were easily bowled over with my determination, this item would not be lost. There was confusion throughout this time, she had a reservation price - something I was not familiar with. I was a high bidder with a maximum that outbid automatically others bids. She would send me letters in which we talked about shipping and handling. I had to set up a Paypal account for protection, which was fine with me, I believe in being safe as well.

I had until 11:43pm last night (Wed. Feb.22) to seal the deal. All throughout the night she teased me, pressuring me to refresh the page and bid and bid again. The home run plate was wide open and for the last 10 mins of the auction, my heart raced. I needed to know if she had anyone else lined up, this was all going too smoothly. And then it happened, yes my friends the god of lo...EBAY must have been looking down on me that night, for I, yes I, won the bid. Exploding with cheer, sweat pouring down my face, out of breath and yet extremely satisfied. I accomplished what I set out to do. Until...

I noticed my love wasn't happy. Unfulfilled she was. As it was my first time I had no idea what went wrong. I just saw a big red X across her face, and a look that told me "you must have bid as high as the reservation price & be the highest bidder." Apparently, having the highest bid isn't the only thing that counts these days. Frantically, and in tears, I apologized for my inadequacies, my lack of knowledge in the EBAY world, and asked if there was anyway to get her back. She is yet to respond. So my friends this tale ends on hiatus as I wait for my response, if it will ever arrive. Be sure to take my sad tale to heart, and learn from this young mans mistakes. I had the auction of my heart, my long lost auction, and I let her slip out of my grasp.

-Brad

Quail me this Quail me that....

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Heres a joke for you all.

Whats Cheney's favorite past time?




Mistaking a 78 year old man for a small bird and shooting him in the face.





Really theres no punchline...the facts are just too funny.

-Brad

Simply Stunning...

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Right. So once again a kid has been shot by another kid. No, not in highschool, nor junior high. Not even elementary. No folks, we have a new record... day care.

Bang Bang

How is it that your 8 year old kid not only makes it out of the house with a gun?

Yet, the most disturbing statement came from one of the other mothers when she said, "I'm a little concerned, of course, I'm just a little flustered right now, and nervous. But things like this happen. It's a blessing that the little girl is OK"

Things like this happen?! They just happen? Oh well? Guns can seriously injure and even kill kids in the states, yet people will still accept them. Simply ... Stunning.

-Brad

Giving back to my fans.....

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Well because you asked for it... here are my answers to your questions.

square-toed vs. pointy-toed heels, is one cooler than the other?
Square-toed. If kicked in the shins they wont hurt as much.

do people who only shower ever use bubble bath?
Bubble bath? Pft.. hell no. I don't even use soap.

the benefits of reading a trashy sex-ridden magazine?
You get all your Jill updates? Ba boom boom ZING.

booster juice vs. jugo juice, which is tastier?
This is a trick question. The answer is ofcourse... Tim Hortons Coffee.
is the gym a good place to meet your soulmate?
Yes. Not only do you get to see how strong they are (in case they attack you while in a relationship), but you also get to see all their 'faces'... the ones you will envetibly see during the other workout.

can fake tanning kill you?
Depends on the person. The reason I dont fake tan is: if I did, then there would be even more hotties clawing and grabbing at me on a daily basis... and already I am in fear of my life.. damn hotties.

what % of doctors actually think their patients are hypochondriatcs?
What % of doctors actually think. ZING!

what kind of people does la senza lingerie market to? the obese? the skinnay? stewardess?
Kind of people? The I want to be happy kind. Whether that be male/female, big or small.

is pink the new orange?
NO. Just.. NO.

which last longer, tna or lululemon spandex?
Last time I tested this, lululemon.

does a banana a day keep the doctor away?
Yes. When was the last time you saw a monkey in your doctors waiting room?

who has a cooler nickname, bradman or jemima tiki tiki?
BradMan. Just... BradMan.

is their an easier university class than intro to computers?
Yup. MIS. Management information systems. Its intro computers for management students... I couldnt believe how they could dumb down the dumbest course in university.

is paris hilton or nicole ritchie hotter?
No to both. Just... No.

what does ANTM stand for and what can it bring to your life?
According to Google its "Americas Next Top Model." All that show brings to my life is a greater hatred to the morons of our society. How can someone actually enjoy watching obviously sick (mental/eating disorders) wear clothes that no one in the right mind would ever wear....rant rant rant....

There you go Jill.

Enjoy.

-Brad

Annnnnnd Back....

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Alright.

So it has been a while, a long while. I will blame it on (since it can never be the fault of my own) the holiday season...umm my brothers wedding... um... my new job... um oh my recent cold (cough cough) and Jill. You can always blame things on Jill.

So many things I can talk about I almost don't know where to start.

I'll start with hockey, since everyone looooves hockey. Over the Christmas break, Canada's Junior team took the world by storm and won the World Junior Championships. That was pretty sweet. Flames are doing relatively well. It is relative due to the fact that even though they are about 10 games over .500... everyone else in their direct division is too... which means they are just keeping up with pack. And finally ball hockey is back up and running again. This season we have a new GM/headcoach... ME .. and we have started off the season with 2 wins and a tie. No losses under the new head management. Ahem, thank you ... thank you. You can follow the wolves through this link HERE.

Next family.

Yayaya, familys fine. Nothing to worry about here. Moving on. I will give a full update on how my brothers wedding went hopefully with some pictures. The problem I run into is my camera takes the pictures at such a high res loading them up here takes such a long time. Choose pic -> resize in photoshop -> upload ... ok so that doesn't sound like a lot of time..but trust me (please?) it is.

Friends

Not too too much going on here. Mostly just the same ol' shit. Except that we play poker quite a bit more.. which is good for me...because I am the poker god. ... ok well maybe not. But I have come in first a fair number of times. My best win yet was when I was completely blasted and still pulled off the win. They couldnt tell if I was bluffing or not.... maybe I should always play drunk..

Rightio, so this has been a pretty lame update. So I will spice it up with this here link. I know how you all like my weird and wacky sense of what is funny and what is not here on the net. So without furthur ado I present to you one of the major problems with New Jersey. Thanks to Brian for finding this gem!

Why? Please...God Why?!"

There is 180 PAGES of responses to this guys picture. This is the reason I am pro-choice.

-Brad

Ahh tis the season to be retarded...

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Lets get retarded in here?

Meh, Im taking the retarded'ness as being, lets get some Christmas cheer going. Anyone know if eggnog is on the shelves yet? MMMmmm Eggnog, soo good. And rum'n'EggNog even better.

Though I dont think this guy is drunk. I think he is just ... happy to be working at the BK Lounge. You need coups to get in you know, coups...

Man is he festive. Check him out, you will laugh..... that is, if you have no heart. You heartless mongers you!

Festive BK Worker!

Thanks to the bro for this one! ...and my cousin before him. :P

-Brad

EDIT: I used to work at BK and damn if any guy was ever given the opportunity to work at the front cashier, working with the customers and such. Though I was kinda happy about that, it allowed me to eat chicken tenders and milkshakes whenever I wanted. Plus I had the opportunity to experiment on melting shit in the deep frier. I dont think any of you want to know what went on back there. HEY leave me along alright, I was 16. Ya..and your so damn perfect right?

Ding fries are...doooooooone.

Rat Attack!

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But before we get to giant mutant rats, I want to make a big birthday Booya to one of my best buddies KIMBO!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN!

and... I will also take this time to wish ol'mariana a happy birthday too!

Now, to bring you what you have been waiting for.

Thanks to Marci for this.

Rat Attack!

-Brad

You can be the next SuperStar...

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Just like the Star Wars Kid or the Numa Numa boy.

Thats right! You too could create an at home video and become the internets new craze.

Im here to help. "Brads House" is here to show you the ropes, teach you the ins and outs and most importantly, link you to where you need to go to get the info on how to make a video worthy of MTV.

So, fix your hair, do your make-up, get lipo and damn it change into something presentable! Then grab your friends, family or anyone who wants to completely embarass themselves... hell do it by yourself...

Clicking below will not only teach you how to make superb videos, but will also allow you to meet some of the industries top performers. You don't believe me do you? Well just take a look at this video:

WHAT TALENT!

Well, I know who's autograph I want! Or should I say autographS...

If that wasn't enough stardom for you - click below for some more proof this is the real deal:

3 Hunks Numa Numa'ing

The Next Destiny's Child... (white version)

Numa Numa too much? Try a little backstreet boys, or NSYNC or whoever the hell sings this song originally:

At Least They Have a Set Group Wardrobe

Ok so you're all pumped up now right? I mean... its just this easy. So without futhur ado, I now open the floodgates of fame. Go forth and create your own masterpiece, maybe one day you will be showcased here as well:

www.camkaraoke.com

-Brad

*thanks to JMPP for her original post on the subject.

I cry every morning...

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that I have to see yet another god damn article about how wonderful Google is.

*CRY*

I love Google, or at least I did. July 2004 when they were talking about opening at $100 I thought that such a price was horrifically low. Analysts at all ends of the market were slamming down the grovel at Googles initial stock price saying that it was too high.

Though at the time (fresh out of uni, and been working for a month) I did not have the "bank account" room to be buying stocks, nor did I have complete confidence in myself that I knew what I was talking about. I was wrong...

Now all I think about is for every $1000 I would have invested, I would have had got back 4000 reasons why it was a good idea.

*cry*

-Brad